poisonyoulove: (Delirium)
[personal profile] poisonyoulove

I made another shawl. There's definitely something to be said for a nice simple floofy shawl with no heavy appliques or sparkly shit on. XD Fuchsia and acid green? WTF IS THIS, 1985?! YES IT'S ALWAYS 1985 IN MY HEAD AND NOW THIS SHAWL CAN KEEP ME WARM IN WAYS THAT MY MEMORIES NEVER COULD. THERE ARE NO MEMORIES OF CUDDLES OR WARM EMBRACES THERE IS ONLY THE SHAWL NOW SHHHH IT'S OK EVERYTHING WILL BE OK
poisonyoulove: (TP Diane)
[personal profile] poisonyoulove

After about ten years of having red hair, I decided to go blonde again. A big part of the reason was the thinning of my hair from the weight loss. I thought if the contrast between scalp and hair was less, it would be less noticeable. Eh. It's fine. I'm really pleased with the color, though. Red probably suited me better, and I was pretty attached to it, but I DO really enjoy looking kinda ghostly. Am I real? Might I waver out of existence right before your eyes? YOU DON'T KNOW!
I had to put bleach on it twice to get it light enough, which completely fried it. When it's wet, it feel like corn silk. I ended up buying some purple dye to tone down the yellow, and if you think I'm not super-tempted to just make my hair lavender, then I don't even know. But for now...

According to the scale at the doctor's office, I'm 75 pounds down from where I started. (Me wearing a non-plus-size dress) But of course, the universe finds some way to fuck me up. Or I just continuously fail fail fail. My doctor saw my blood sugar levels and decided they were too low, asked me what I'd been eating, and taken off guard by the question, I didn't have time to come up with a lie... the last few days before the appointment I'd eaten almost nothing, so . . . now she thinks I'm becoming anorexic. THE UNIVERSE IS HILARIOUS. Anyway, she has TAKEN MY DIABETES MEDICATION AWAY. Because of the low blood sugars. BUT, without that medication, I'm going to have to eat even LESS in order to just not gain weight back, because high blood sugar will make you gain weight. As far as I can tell.
Logically, I know she's not trying to sabotage me, but I sure as fuck feel like I'm being punished. Or just being fucked with. She tells me to eat more, but makes it so my sugars will be too high. I am NOT going to let myself gain the weight back, even if I have to actually go anorexic to do it.
For what it's worth, I ate at Sonic today... had a peanut butter and cookie dough blast. Still have about a week's worth of meds.


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